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TOTAL WASTE OF TIME!!!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Behind the Paint: The Liquor Store Painting No. 2

This is a picture of a liquor store.

We've all seen Paulette's Liquor Store Painting No. 2 and just about lost control of all bodily functions because it's so amazing and awe inspiring and jaw droppingly beautiful and achingly transcendent.

But not too many people know the back story which goes like this.

Paulette went outside, across the intersection from the liquor store and painted it for a really long time, a time so long that she felt really old after she finished.  More people were out on the street than were out the previous time she painted the liquor store because it wasn't a holiday.

There was the usual crowd of nice people and annoying people and jerks.  The cutest little girl in the world ran up to her and said, "I think your painting is beautiful" and Paulette looked her in the eye and said, "Thank you."  And then for the second time in 3 weeks, somebody who was an art historian stopped by to look and say "I'm an Art Historian", but this time they were complimentary saying they liked Paulette's use of color.  And some guy yelled out of the back seat of an SUV, "You can't paint", and so Paulette laughed like a dumb person, letting her jaw go slack, making kind of dull "ha ha" sound.  And the SUV turned around and the guy got out with his sword, and it just so happened that Paulette had her sword with her, so they had a swordfight and Paulette spilled his bowels all over the sidewalk and went back to painting.

She found out that many people don't think that painting is work but turned her back on them.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Behind the Paint: The "Liquor Store" Painting

This is a painting of a liquor store.

We've all seen the "Liquor Store" painting and exclaimed, "Wow, holy sh#t, that's some motherf#cking painting!"  But the back story has never been told until now, and it goes like this.

Paulette recognized that the liquor store held unspeakable powers for all the residents of her neighborhood, and so she painted it while standing across the street from it.  3 times did a psychically pained resident of the neighborhood walk past her yelling and screaming profanities, but he left her alone, letting her paint and hum to her heart's content.  

Her coworkers from the art materials store walked by and took photos with her for posterity because there was a sense that something important and worthy of documentation was happening, something important enough to post on the internet.

Many people stopped to look because she was painting in a shopping district, and all of them were well behaved, and a man engaged Paulette in a short conversation about whether painting is work or not because Paulette said it is work, but he had a hard time with that because she seemed to be enjoying herself, so she put him out of his misery.




Thursday, May 22, 2014

Behind the Paint: The Bird and the Sun Painting

Here is a picture of a bird and the sun.
We all know the "Bird and Sun" painting because we've seen it everywhere all the time, but only recently has the back story, the story behind it, come to light, and that story goes like this.

Paulette sat down and drew the bird and the sun, and then she painted it, and then a spider in her house said, "put some black circles in it," and so she did, and then she painted some more until it was done.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Behind the Paint: The Miraculous Street Painting

This is a painting of a street with trees.

We've all seen it, Paulette's painting of the hillside street that oozes raw sensuality and fertility and other stuff like overwhelming beauty.  This is the painting that caused generations of animals, both wild and domesticated, to cry until they became dehydrated and had to drink some water.  But there is a whole, big, fascinating story behind it, and it goes like this.

Paulette set up her easel and started painting this view, and while a short car was parked in the parking space in front of her to the left, she could see it, the view, clearly.  But the short car left and not once but two times did the following happen.  A woman parked her tall car and looked at Paulette and asked, "Am I blocking your view?"  And Paulette started crying uncontrollably because it meant that this woman actually was thoughtful.  So Paulette said, "yeah, but you could maybe pull closer to the curb,"  and the woman driver said, "That's ok, I'll park a little further up the street."  And so she parked in the unoccupied motorcycle parking spots in front of the closed motorcycle store.

And then, the same thing happened with a guy in a tall car, and he parked somewhere else, and the next set of people parked their short car and asked if all was well in viewland.  And it was, and so Paulette continued painting with a headache for a long time until it got too dark.

This is the fascinating story behind this incredibly magical and beautiful painting we all know and love and which stands as a monument to all that humankind is capable of.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Behind the Art: The Rockridge Shopping Centre Painting


Here is a painting of the Rockridge Shopping Centre

Paulette's painting of the Rockridge Shopping Centre is famous even though it's only a couple of days old, and so if you don't want to be out of touch with the world of important art, you probably want to know the whole story behind it.

In the magical city of Oakland, she stood by the road, Pleasant Valley Ave, and painted for a long time in the heat while her gloved hands got sweaty and prune-like.  And out of the parade of humanity waddling by, there were a few notables.

Some woman who said she was an art historian walked by and recommended painting something else, the backside of the art school.  Sadly, this woman is now missing.  In the nebulous, early stages of the masterwork, a kid showing off to his friends sarcastically said, "What a great painting."  Sadly, this kid and his friends are now missing.  Some guy took a photo of it and sent it to Paulette.  This guy is thriving and living happily all the time.  Another guy talked about the Hickory Pit restaurant that used to be in the spot where the tripppple A office is.  He said, "Those were some good ribs.  Man, those were some good ribs."  Nobody knows what happened to this guy.

A famous, anonymous neighbor witnessed Paulette painting this very painting and wrote about it in the scholarly online publication, Visagetome.  It reads thusly.
I do believe I witnessed the very tall and slender Paulette painting on Pleasant Valley Road sidewalk today during rush hour after work. She looked very elegant in her artist's blouse, and broad brimmed hat, and actively dabbing the paint brush from paint to canvas. I felt very special having such a sighting. It was extraordinary to catch her live in action and on such a hot day! I love this painting by the way.
And then, she finished the painting saying, "I'd like to thank you all for coming, you've been a great audience except for a few of you, and you know who you are."

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Around the Art: The Gas Station Painting

This is a famous work of art.
We've all seen this painting and know who painted it because we can read the name in the lower righthand corner, the corner where the name, Paulette, of the paintinger is.  There's a really great story around this painting.  Paulette didn't like the whole global warming thing and knew that fossil fuels played a big part in the amazingly global problem, and so she painted this cutting, invectivish, searing, attacking painting of her local benzene station, petrol station, gasoline station.  She knew that the painting would open up a can of worms that the fossil fuel lobby could never put back.  "The red ball really says it all," she said, "you can hear the polar bears saying, where the fuck's my ice?"

And the local media was there to document it.

Here is a picture of Paulette painting.

Famous, celebrated documentary filmmaker, Emily Wick (Life With Alex), was on hand with a lot of expensive, professional-type equipment to capture this rare, spontaneous photo of the making of this cornerstone of Western Art.  The normally reclusive and private artist miraculously consented to be photographed, and this consent was so lucky, it's as lucky as  having a really hungry tiger hold still while you adjust the bite plates in its mouth for a good x-ray of its canine teeth, the teeth it uses for tearing and ripping.

The painting will be up for sale on ebay when it's dried.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Behind the Art: The Broadway and College Stoplight Painting

Everybody knows this painting, but they don't know the story of it, and it's a really interesting story. 
Here is a picture of a stoplight.

The painting came about because Paulette hadn't painted for a while and wanted to paint this spot because she noticed it when visiting the CCA campus in Oakland to go to the cafeteria to get some tea.  The cafe was closed, so she had to go to Hudson Bay Cafe where she met Nathan and talked with him about his college essay on something related to art.  But on the way to the Hudson Bay Cafe, she walked through the park-like CCA campus and noticed this view of this stoplight, but mostly she noticed the huge blight of a billboard above a real estate office.  She thought the blight might be interesting to paint, but when push came to shove, she liked the streetlight on the island.  When asked why she chose the streetlight, she said, "I don't know, It seemed like maybe it made sense as a composition."

During the painting of the painting, the sun went down and put the street in shadow, and the sky light became more diffuse, softer.  There was a man sitting in some weird picnic table shelter, waiting for who knows what, enjoying everything collegiate.  The cars went by, and people walked by, and the lights changed.

The painting will be up for sale on ebay when it's dried.

Monday, May 05, 2014

First Grade Artists Have Trouble Dealing With Fame and Fortune

All over the United States and in any other country that has them, first grade artists are having trouble dealing with their success.  Nobody knows how it happened, but all of their names are on the tongues of everybody in their cultures, and their works are attracting huge audiences the world over.  When asked how she is dealing with this notoriety, one first grader shied away from the question and retreated, backing away from the interviewer, but the interviewer persisted and hounded her until she started crying, saying, "leave me alone."

A woman is telling the kids that they're famous and successful

Sunday, May 04, 2014

Artists Protest Against Huge Galleries and Museums

Over two artists gathered in front of the International Association for Artists Rights Headquarters in Pyongyang, North Korea to protest against gallery and museum spaces that are just too big.  Said one protester, "I work really small, so it's hard if not impossible to create enough work to fill these spaces."  Said another protester, "What's happening, are people getting bigger, so they need to have bigger artspaces?" as the group worked itself into a lather.

These artists are protesting against huge art spaces.

Saturday, May 03, 2014

Paulette Donates Painting to Raise Capital for Kilduff Motors


This is a painting of a '92 Toyota Tercel

Paulette donated a painting of her '92 Toyota Tercel to help raise capital for Kilduff Motors, a startup cardboard car company based in Los Angeles, California with its flagship dealership at Blackstone Gallery in Los Angeles as well.

Paulette is giving the painting to Emily Wick.  photo B. Brooks

The painting was raffled off, and the winner was Ms. Emily Wick of Oakland, CA.  When asked how she felt about winning the painting, Ms. Wick responded, "I really like winning things."  When asked how she could just up and donate such a valuable and historic painting as the '92 Toyota Tercel, Paulette said, "It was for a good cause.  Finally, there's a car company that's not afraid to make cars out of cardboard, a car company that's not afraid to jump headfirst into the future."

Thursday, May 01, 2014

Paulette Unleashes Two New Paintings Into World Art Market World.

Paulette put two new paintings up for sale today in a move that is getting the international art world really excited.  "I'm really excited," said an anonymous member of the international art world.
When asked why she is doing this, Paulette replied,"I wanted to do this, so now I'm doing it."  And when asked why she's unleashing two paintings at the same, she said, "Two is more than one, so it is more ferocious, it has more ferocity than one."
Here are the two newly released paintings.