paulette's hypermeaningful weblog


Sunday, November 15, 2009

writing bs

The rat went up the hill to fetch a pail of water because that's where the water store is, at the top of the hill.


"Hello, I'd like to get a pail of water," said the rat at the top of the hill.

"And who sent you?" said the top of the hill water pail attendant.

"Why, my mother of course because my dad is busy at work, slaving away to put bread on the table," said the boy.

"How many pails did you want?"

"Just one."

"You're not gonna go changing your mind saying you want a second pail in 20 seconds are you?"

"No sir, I just want one pail of water."

"And what kind of water did you want?"

"I'm sorry sir, I don't understand."

"Do you want clean water or dirty water?"

"Clean water please sir."

"Here you are laddie."  And the water pail attendant rat handed the boy rat a pail of fresh, clean, crystal clear, cold water.

"Thank you sir."

"you're welcome, now go bid good tidings to your mother."

"I'm sorry sir, I don't understand."

"Tell your mother hello."

"Yes sir, I will."

And the boy rat began his way down the hill whistling merrily as he went.  He whistled the popular rat folk tune, "where's my cheese" and then broke into song.


Oh where's my cheese

Where's my cheese

Brother can you help me please


Find my cheese

Find my cheese

Brother can you help me please


The path went into a thicket which was shady and cool, and as the rat boy walked into the thicket, he took a deep, deep breath of cool, shady air.  It went into his little rat lungs and filled up his little rat blood with oxygen, and then he fell asleep standing up but woke up and lied down, putting his rat shirt behind his head for a rat pillow and falling asleep again.


A group of 15 rat marauders walking by saw the rat boy on the ground and expressed glee at their discovery.


"Well, well, well, what have we here?"

"A slumbering youth."

"with a pail of fresh, clear, clean water."

"We must express our glee."


And so, they all began singing their favorite marauding song.


We are rat marauders

That's what we are

We really are rat marauders


We like to maraud

And that makes us marauders

We are rat marauders


The marauders' singing woke the nameless rat boy up and he looked up from his sleeping, reclining position.  He was startled to see 15 mean looking people dancing around him, singing a song.


"Are you guys gay?"

"We are marauders," they answered in unison.

"I know that, but are you gay?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do some of guys have sex with each other?"

"yes, but only out of necessity, if we don't have captured women."

"But I'm in love with Herman," said one of the marauding rats, and Herman the marauding rat smiled proudly.


And then the leader took the nameless rat boy's pail of crystal clear water.

"Hey, that's my water for my mother."

"Not any more, you little punk"

"Why are you so mean?"

The leader thought for a moment about his whole rat life and how he never seemed to fit in.

"I guess it comes naturally."

"I hate you," said the little boy.

"You'll get used to it," said the rat marauder leader.


The rat marauders left the rat boy in the thicket sans pail, pail free, and moved on to the rat boy's house where they found his mother cleaning the floors.  They gang raped her and captured her and carried her off to their hideout deep in the forest in a huge hollowed out buried log.


Numerous search parties were sent out, but to no avail.  Rat boy lived with his father who started drinking to numb his heartbroken, heartshattered, heart decimated pain.


Friday, November 13, 2009

The Scuba Rats

The rats are under water.  They swim there, and they have tons of fun.  They wear little scuba tanks and breathing apparatuses which help them go diving.  They love to look at the fish.


"How lovely the fish are!" sayeth the mother rat.

"Oh yes, they are tres, tres lovely," sayeth the kids in unison.


"Look at the minnow," sayeth the mother.

"It's rather plain," sayeth the kids in unison.


"Look at the goldfish," sayeth the mother.

"It's shiny and colorful like our beloved sun" sayeth the kids in unison.


"Look at the alligator," sayeth the mother.

But the kids are so scared by the alligator that they rush to the surface and get the bends and die, while the mother is eaten by the alligator, scuba gear and all.  Crunch, Crunch, Crunch.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

The Snail Story

There was a snail and it went out onto the sidewalk and it got squished by some kids riding by on their bikes.  It sounded like an egg breaking when you're gonna fry up eggs, but nobody fried up the snail, they just kept walking over it and grinding it into the sidewalk while the sun fried it and made it dry like dried seaweed.  And then, some people scraped it off the ground and used it instead of seaweed to wrap their sushi.  They thought it tasted really good, and they looked forward to finding more dried up, squished snails on the sidewalk.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

my la trip

Dear Fan,

I went to la. It was fun.

I think my favorite part of the trip was sitting on my cousin john's couch, watching an exercise video and drinking beer.

We watched the world series. Go Phillies!

I saw chevy commercials about 16 times. I promise never to buy a chevy.

We walked May the wonder dog. Serena hasn't been feeling well. She has a bum ankle.

We bbq'd chicken and zuchini.

Kimon came and played on day one of Let's Paint TV.

On day two of Let's Paint TV, Cousin John had a meltdown on his show because his internet TV channel was favoring another show.

We went to two thrift stores and ate tacos at a mexican restaurant.

We saw some chickens.

My face dried out and became chapped.

I went to tea and danced with adults and a kid.

I played the Tomorrow Show.

I ate halloween candy and gave some to neighbor kids.

We ate cheese sandwiches.

I bagged groceries at trader joes when we shopped there.

I played at the Steve Allen Theatre for about 10 minutes to a crowd of about 30. Some of them seemed to enjoy it. Nobody assaulted me after the show.

My car made it.

I brought "The Poisonwood Bible" to read, but I didn't really read it at all.

I recently finished "Anna Karenina". It's about some woman named Anna.

If you'd like elaboration on any one of these fascinating events, just ask.