paulette's hypermeaningful weblog


Friday, June 26, 2015

Paulette's Resume Padding Art Walk Turns Into Nightmare

Here is a picture of Paulette being stung by a bee.

Paulette participated in a piece of performance art that wasn't supposed to be dangerous at all, but it went very wrong quickly.  The performance consisted of pretending to be a part of nature in a natural setting with friends.  The group went for a walk in some rocky hills in the high chaparral eco region on the edge of Los Angeles.  Paulette tried really hard to fit in and be an unobtrusive part of nature as the group inspected a cave in a big rock that looked like a skull.  The group found a beehive in a nearby rock crack where the bees were flying in and out like UPS and Fedex and USPS and DHL at LAX.

In Paulette's mind, she had these thoughts: "Oh how cute, there's a bunch of bees.  I love bees they are so nice and helpful, keeping all the plants pollinated so that we can live on the planet.  Edmund Hilary was a beekeeper, and he climbed Everest, and we're climbing this mountain, so it's as though we're with Ed and he's with us, exploring this exciting and goddess created environment."

And then a bee attacked Paulette, stinging her under her left eye.  She knew she had been stung because it hurt, she felt pain, and she removed a stinger.  After she removed the stinger, she had some consolation knowing that her assailant was going to die immediately, but she still started screaming, "Die motherf#cker, Die motherf#cker" over and over.

Paulette reeled in mild pain for over five minutes, but she quickly regained her composure and equanimity, and the rest of the performance walk was fun and exciting and intensely meaningful for all attendees.  The performance was a triumph in the face of adversity and will look great on her resume.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Paulette Apologizes for Posting Too Frequently

This a picture of Paulette's Legs.

After numerous complaints of "spamming the hell out of everybody", Paulette has finally caved and admitted that she just hasn't been getting attention in other areas of her life, so she posts constantly on facebook and other social media websites.

She spoke to her public recently saying, "I want to apologize for cluttering up your lives with minutiae and picayune and microscopic pieces of my life which are really small and redundant and not really that interesting when a person is inundated with them so frequently, repeatedly and over and over."

Paulette to Take Touring Break

Abe Perlstein took this photo of Stropoakland copyright 2015

Stropoakland had their first show ever on June 20, 2015, and out of nowhere, Paulette has decided to take a break of unspecified duration from touring because she just can't handle the intensity of the Rock and Roll Lifestyle for very long.

"I lost my car keys last night and had to stay up later than I wanted because I thought I'd find them after the pub cleared out.  We played at a pub, and my backpack has a hole in it because the zipper broke, and I thought my keys fell out somewhere onstage or near the stage or at the table I was sitting at to eat a huge burger with fries and a salad.  Admittedly, I drank a beer so I obviously wasn't in any frame of mind to go looking for car keys, and it was so loud in the bar that if the keys made any kind of sound, I couldn't hear them at all, even if they were screaming.  How can you find a needle in a haystack if the hay is on fire.  You have to wait for the fire to go out."

" And the pressure of performing is intense.  There's a whole group of people there, sitting, talking to their friends, drinking beer and wine, playing darts, kind of paying attention to you.  And as a band, we get paid about $50.00, and with that kind of money on the table, it just adds to the pressure.  It's a high stakes game of entertain or these people are gonna want their $50.00 back even though we're spending about 3 hours each, a total of 9 hours as a band, with 3 more hours worked by the lighting crew, making 12 hours of work for $50.00, so if you look at it on an hourly basis, we're making just shy of $5.00 per hour each.  It's no wonder people get mad when they talk about entertainer's salaries compared to those of teachers and professional athletes.  But people don't realize the sacrifices we make to earn this money."

Her bandmates roll their eyes when asked about Paulette's break announcement.  Said one of them anonymously, "?"

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Paulette Joins Oakland Based Band Strop

Dateline:  Oakland, CA

Paulette has once again joined forces with Mark Hanley to form the super duper group, STROP, with the awesome and shocking and inimitable drummer, Wally "the nickname" McClellan.

Here is a picture of Mark Hanley and Paulette.

Here is a picture of Mark, Wally and Brian Brooks.

They will be performing on Saturday, June 20th at Berkeley's famed Starry Plough, and this is really funny because the Starry Plough refers to an Irish Flag, and Mark and Paulette have a lot of Irish genes, and Wally has a name that starts with "Mc", so he's probably either from Ireland partly or Scotland or some kind of island country near England.  So it's an interesting amalgam of homogeneity that will knock socks off all listeners really big time, colossally, maximally and with great greatness.

The band may be playing under the name, "Hanley" for this date because of late in the game band name changes, and it is uncertain if, going forward, Strop will be a viable name for the band, as there is a band currently with that name in Scotland, a country that is kind of close to Ireland.

Here are some of the songs wroted by Hanley and Paulette.

They will play 10 songs, and they will be the first act of the night, probably going on around 8, or maybe 9, or maybe 9:30, but probably not 10, but who knows?  It will be a Saturday, and the place probably closes at 1:45, so they'll need to have a band 'til near closing.

There will be other bands playing that night too, but they will play after Strop, a.k.a. Hanley.

The Strop/Hanley performance will also feature the light show of Wally's progeny, Henry.