paulette's hypermeaningful weblog


Friday, September 18, 2009

Spam: Another Big Fat Paulette Show Oct 24

Dear Acolytes and Followers,
It's that time of month again, time when I go forth into the loving, caring world to play music in public.
I'll be playing again at Magnet on SATURDAY, October 24, as part of my DUI community service.
The show starts at 7:00 p.m. and usually goes until 9:30 p.m. or so. 
I don't know when I'll go on, but if I find out, I'll let you know.  I usually go on at about 8:00 or 8:30.
4122 18th Street
San Francisco, CA
In other news:
Through my internet distributor, I sold a cd to somebody in Helsinki, Finland for the first time in my life.  If you're not doing anything, maybe you could track them down and ask them how they found out about it.  With the proceeds from the cd sale, I'm going to start a non-profit hospital for runaway three to four year olds.
In still other news:
My song "Ninety-two Toyota Tercel" didn't make it on to the Car Talk Music   Compilation CD probably because I'd been promising the producers sexual favors if they included it. 
In other news:
My songwriting productivity is down.  Instead of writing songs, I've been trying to write stories.
Here's part of one of my stories.  I tried to write it in English.

I was supposed to start work that day at 10:30 a.m. sharp, but I got there at 10:32 a.m. and wasn't chewed out by my immediate supervisor.


"Hi," said I.

"Hi," said she, "Are you late?"

"Not really."

"Check the soils and watering list.  I've got you on as backup garden cashier"

"Wow, cool!"



I checked the "soils/H20" schedule on the clipboard hanging from the storage room gate.  My soil area assignment was from 10:30 a.m. to 12:00 a.m, but sadly, I didn't have any watering assignment to complement it.  So I got my straw hat, gloves, box-cutter, sun block and eye shadow out of my employee storage container and headed off to the garden office mirror where I applied my Neutrogena spf 85 sun block on my nose, cheeks, forehead, neck and jawline, spreading the lotion evenly, eliminating any excess areas.  A light, powder foundation sat nicely on the lotion and hid my few imperfections, leaving my face looking fresh, clean and smooth. I brushed on my fluorescent blue eye shadow with abandon, applying it liberally so that if you saw me from a distance, my eyes looked kind of clownish.


After applying my makeup artistically, I walked to my "Soil Area" post in front of the store.  We have about 30 different products out there.  There's mulch, bark, steer manure, chicken manure, peat moss, potting soil, compost, humus, sand and pea gravel.  The chicken manure is my favorite because it makes me think about chickens.  All of these pallets come wrapped in plastic so that they don't tip over and make a mess during shipping.  The pallet stackers also put thick plastic between stacked layers on the pallet for some reason I don't know.  So there's always plastic to throw away as you take more and more bags of soil off of the pallet. 


I chirped happily, gathering up the loose, wrapping plastic, but when I looked for the "Soil Area" garbage can to put it in, it wasn't there.  It was gone.  I stopped chirping and stood and stared slack-jawed in shock.  My eyes became misty, my chin began to quiver like a quiver of arrows, and I had to sit down for a while.  I was overwhelmed. 

Friday, September 04, 2009

Noteworthy Spam: Big Fat Paulette Show Tonight 9/4/09

Dear Rabid Fanatic with a Foamy Mouth,
I'm playing tonight at Smokey's Tangle after and possibly during the First Fridays Lino Cut Show featuring work by over 5 different artists.
The art show opening reception will start at 7:00 p.m.
I will probably start at about 9:30 or 10:00 p.m.
So instead of rereading Joyce's Ulysses or Finnegan's Wake while having a pedicure and bikini wax, come on out to
4709 Telegraph Ave.
Oakland, CA 94609
North America, Earth
Milky Way Candy Bar
spot of dust under the bed.
I'll be playing a six-stringed guitar that has one more string than most five-stringed guitars and two more strings than pretty much all four-stringed guitars.
I'll be using a plastic pick because I like the way they feel.  When I hold the plastic pick, it reminds me of holding a fluffy kitty named whiskers or a grocery bag full of milk, tortillas, bagels, tea, dried apricots, vanilla yogurt and peanuts.
I'll be making noises in the back of my mouth, and they will cause my sinuses to resonate, giving the sound some richness, fullness.  I've been learning new words like "the" and "and" and "of" so if you listen carefully, the songs will be peppered with these newy wordies.
I don't know exactly what to wear, so if you have something in mind, be sure to bring it along, otherwise, I'll probably wear jeans and some kind of top.
I won't be serving food, but you're welcome to bring whatever you'd like.
I probably won't take a shower because I already took one last night.
We'll also be celebrating pre-New Years Eve for those who can't wait for the real thing in December.
The venue has lights, so you don't need to bring your own.  There's also a toilet and a sink if you need to get ready to go to bed.
Telegraph is fully paved, and the sidewalk is also paved, so you don't need to bring your off-road vehicle or hiking shoes.
They don't have a fire permit, so campfires are not allowed anywheres period, but if you feel like it, you might get away with sleeping on the street in front of the liquor store.
If you bring your horse, you can tie it up to one of the new street parking paystations.
I'll be making noises in the back of my mouth, and they will cause my sinuses to resonate, giving the sound some richness, fullness.
If you bring a mouse, be sure to keep it off the floor.  I know I don't have to tell you why.
If you bring a small kid, they can be put to use cleaning the chimney.
See You Theres!
Also, be sure to download copy upon copy of "Paulette Makes Large Amounts of Money Playing Music" from itunes.
You can also find it on Napster.
Love Always,