Canned Ham: Storytelling Time

A Really Import Art Opus

 

Dear Human Being,

 

My Friend, Carol, turned me on to The Mighty Boosh, and I really liked it and watched all episodes, some more than once, and this inspired me to make a video story about the boring subject of Art.  Thank you Carol!

 

The whole team at Paulette International Studios in Oakland labored on the video for 3 months, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, totally jacked on tea and small coffee samples from trader joes' sampling area.  Some of the crew were hospitalized for exhaustion and I'm facing a number of OSHA lawsuits, and I've been reprimanded by the Bureau of Bad Business Practices for cruelty and inhumanity to my employees, but I'm not too worried because I'm gonna ship the whole operation overseas to avoid these problems in the future, because I realize how important it is that you're entertained and kept from thinking too deeply about your life.

 

So here it is, at the top of the page.

 

And I'm playing at U & I liquor store on telegraph ave tomorrow from 6 to 7, and then from 7 to 9 with cousin john at Smokey's Tangle in Oakland as part of the Temescal Neighborhood Art Hop.

 

Love,

 

Paulette

The Waiting Video

Dear Listener/Reader/Watcher,

 

Yet again, I make something in my apartment that has wide-ranging, universal, unprovincial, really big, far away, broad, sweepingly general appeal.

 

And here it is, what I send out to you on your computer on your computer network thing that connects us without spreading disease that we know about.

 

This is it.

 

Universally Appealing Video About Waiting

 

My computer program stopped and the waiting circle kept spinning, so I made this unbearably important song and video.

 

Since I've posted it on youtube, a lot of people have been telling me, "Paulette, I feel like you know me, like you’re singing about my life, like we have some kind of connection. I like waiting and I feel like this song is about me when I'm waiting in line at the post office, grocery store, stop light, during rush hour, for the bathroom at parties, and when my connectivity is slow."

 

And I have to tell them, "I'm not sure I really care about your life unless you're a friend or a family member or I've met you before and thought you were nifty.  That's great that you like the song, but it doesn't necessarily mean I want to be your friend."

 

And then they tell me, "Look, just because I feel like I have a connection with you, that you're singing about my life, it doesn't mean I want to be your friend.  You're a republican, huh."

 

And then I stare into space and start chanting, "himbah, himbah, himbah, himbah" over and over, louder and louder until I'm screaming it and I'm hoarse, and I start taking my clothes off and making a jumprope out of them, jumping over the clothes-rope, still chanting, "himbah, himbah, himbah, himbah." 

 

And then I get tired and go home and eat.

 

I'm scheduled to play at U and I market jun 1 on telegraph ave if I get the day off.  it's part of first fridays in oakland, and my cousin john will be painting inexpensive 5 minute portraits at smokey's tangle on the same day.

 

If I don't get the day off, I will advise.

 

Love Always,

 

Paulette

 

Love Always Paulette

Spam: A Complaint

Really important archival footage

 

Hi,

 

Someone actually complained to me that there was nothing new to read on my weblog, and of course this encourages me to put something up on it, and so here it is.  Here is something that I will put up on my weblog, except it's not really something you read, so I guess I failed, but I can write about it.  Hooray.

 

I was spending too much time on Facebook because I'm trying not to earn any money doing anything, and I posted a link to bill evans playing waltz for debby with Larry Bunker and Chuck Israels.  And some people "liked" it and a new "friend" responded, posting Dave Brubeck's Kathy's Waltz, saying, "Ah, this is what I was thinking of.  That's what you get for thinking"  because his prior comment was "I always thought this was a Brubeck tune."

 

And then this other person comments, saying, "Debbie, Kathy, bitches ain't sh#t."  And so, in the spirit of things, I made an evans-like waltz for the four people involved in the fascinating facebook exchange.  I know you're probably saying sarcastically, "oh great, another f#cking evans-like jazz waltz.  I'm absolutely sick and tired of people emulating bill evans and doing a really sh#tty job."  but oh well, like I could give a sh#t.

 

I've been reading through this book about how to play jazz, and it shows you two chords bill evans played on some famous miles davis tune.  and it also shows you how to voice the II-V-I progression, and so I made this song thing for these people and called it, "Waltz For Tanya and Jack and Kelli and Patrick."  Hooray.

 

Love Always,

 

Paulette