Paulette Apologizes Publicly

Piano Teacher Joins NASA

 

Hi,

I’m Piano Teacher and Humanitarian Paulette, and recently I was selected by NASA to be their first civilian in outer space.

You may have already seen my youtube video, “Piano Teacher in Outer Space” which I posted on April 13^th of this year, celebrating my selection and the superiority of NASA over Russia’s space program.

If you have, you may have noticed that there are some factual errors in the lyrics. I’m not going to take the video down, but I do want to apologize for some of those problems.

For starters, I won’t be THE first civilian in outer space. According to wikipedia, That distinction went to Dennis Tito, an american citizen who gave the russians $20 million in the free market to go up in one of their Soyuz rockets on Apr 28, 2001. I also attacked the Russian program, calling it communist which obviously isn’t the case if a rich businessman from the United States can buy his way into it. It kind of makes our program seem communist since it’s completely paid for by taxpayer money and all of us own it.

In spite of my misrepresentation of these minor details, I still feel that my attacks on the Russians’ space program were justified if only to boost American pride fleetingly.

But it is true that I will be the first piano teacher in outer space, and this is something that I’m very happy about because to me it signals, it means that the United States recognizes the importance of arts and culture in the lives of its citizens and that even though they’re not worth funding, they should be placed side by side with science and math in the american consciousnous, they should not take a back seat to science and math. And it signals to me that our leaders recognize that only with a cultural cohesion that’s not based on fear of foreigners can we achieve, can our country realize it’s potentiality, only when we force our children to learn about themselves through art and culture can we be sure that they will not be fearful and stupid and that they won’t kill everybody with fantastic weapons.

So I hope you’ll proudly join me and your fellow americans on January 28, 2014 when the United States Space Program, which you are paying for, rockets the first ever Piano Teacher, yours truly, into outer space.

Thank you and good night.

Fw: Paulette On Vinyl

Dear Reader,

 

A couple of things:

 

One, I'm on a record pressed in vinyl.  If you recall back a bit, you might remember me asking you for money through kickstarter so that we could make a record, and well....it's here.

 

Here is my friend Chandler's press announcement.

 

The Chandler Travis Philharmaniacs -one of my many bands that doesn't actually exist -today proudly announce our inclusion on a fab new vinyl EP produced by one of our very favorite radio personalities, Belinda Rawlins... it's the Bubbles in the Think Tank Petite 7" Record, and there's still time to order it in time for Record Store Day on April 21st (plus, it comes with a free digital download for those in need of more instant gratification.)
Besides the Philharmaniacs (Chandler, Rikki, Dinty, Whitey, Keith, and Phil), who perform the song "Still Wanna Make a Record", there's a cavalcade of other stars, including: 

• NPR & PRI contributor David Greenberger (also of Duplex Planet fame) w/ avant-prog group Birdsongs of the Mesozoic(including occasional Philharmonic saxophonist Ken Field) and drummist Rikki Bates ("How Records Are Made")
• Ray Mason (Western Mass fave whose songs have been covered by The Ass Ponys and Eric Ambel, among others) w/ his trademark Silvertone guitar ("Liner Notes")
• Oakland California's delightful Paulette ("Record Store Owners")
• Internet video sensations Socky & Jamie w/ The Spampinato Brothers ("(If You Wanna) Borrow My Records")
• Bawdy broad of 1940′s R&B Ruth Wallis ("Long-Playing Daddy")

This is my first brush with vinyl (really, my first, still irreplaceable, love) in many many years, and, though this is our fifth single release this year, this one is different in that it ACTUALLY EXISTS!

Order now, right here!

 

It's a beautifully packaged album, and I'm still amazed that I'm on it. 

 

In other news, I've joined NASA.

 

Hello?

 

Are you there?

 

Paulette 

Paulette Joins NASA

I recently went through a really painful selection process, almost like the republican primaries, and somehow, miraculously, at the end of it, I was chosen to be NASA’s next Civilian Astronaut.

I will go up in NASA Space Shuttle Challenger 2 on January 28, 2014, and I’m really excited and a little nervous about it.  The flight is scheduled on the 18th anniversary of the historic flight of the Space Shuttle Challenger to commemorate all the things that went right at the time even though not everything about the flight was successful.

I start attending the Acme School of Astronautical Learning in Detroit next week on the 18th, and this training will last the next 8 months, so it’ll end right before I have my baby and start daycare immediately after childbirth.

I didn’t ask a lot of questions about why they want me up, orbiting the earth, but I guess it has something to do with the astronauts wanting piano lessons.

And I made this chauvinistic song about America’s Civilian Space Program (CSP) and how we’re kicking the proverbial ass of the Soviet Union’s Civilian Space Program and how it’s a great source of pride for me.

I Love Brooksley Born

As of late, lately, a lot of people have been asking me, “Paulette, do you love anybody?”  And of course, I immediately respond with a resounding, loud “Yes, I love Brooksley Born.”

And believe it or not, some people don’t know who Brooksley Born is.  They don’t know who Brooksley Born is!!???

Where the f#ck have YOU been?  Were you born yesterday?  Do you live on another planet?  Do you live in a vacuum?  Are you dead, pulseless, decaying, no longer with us?

And so I made this thing.