Paulette Apologizes Publicly

Piano Teacher Joins NASA

 

Hi,

I’m Piano Teacher and Humanitarian Paulette, and recently I was selected by NASA to be their first civilian in outer space.

You may have already seen my youtube video, “Piano Teacher in Outer Space” which I posted on April 13^th of this year, celebrating my selection and the superiority of NASA over Russia’s space program.

If you have, you may have noticed that there are some factual errors in the lyrics. I’m not going to take the video down, but I do want to apologize for some of those problems.

For starters, I won’t be THE first civilian in outer space. According to wikipedia, That distinction went to Dennis Tito, an american citizen who gave the russians $20 million in the free market to go up in one of their Soyuz rockets on Apr 28, 2001. I also attacked the Russian program, calling it communist which obviously isn’t the case if a rich businessman from the United States can buy his way into it. It kind of makes our program seem communist since it’s completely paid for by taxpayer money and all of us own it.

In spite of my misrepresentation of these minor details, I still feel that my attacks on the Russians’ space program were justified if only to boost American pride fleetingly.

But it is true that I will be the first piano teacher in outer space, and this is something that I’m very happy about because to me it signals, it means that the United States recognizes the importance of arts and culture in the lives of its citizens and that even though they’re not worth funding, they should be placed side by side with science and math in the american consciousnous, they should not take a back seat to science and math. And it signals to me that our leaders recognize that only with a cultural cohesion that’s not based on fear of foreigners can we achieve, can our country realize it’s potentiality, only when we force our children to learn about themselves through art and culture can we be sure that they will not be fearful and stupid and that they won’t kill everybody with fantastic weapons.

So I hope you’ll proudly join me and your fellow americans on January 28, 2014 when the United States Space Program, which you are paying for, rockets the first ever Piano Teacher, yours truly, into outer space.

Thank you and good night.