paulette's hypermeaningful weblog

TOTAL WASTE OF TIME!!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Strop Conspicuously Not Invited to HSB 2016

The Band Strop Oakland.

Oakland's favorite band, Strop, did not receive an invitation to play at Hardly Strictly Bluegrass 2016, and they are deeply hurt and feeling unloved by the event organizers.  Says Paulette, one of Strop's members, "Neither Mark nor Mark nor I received any invitation to play at the festival this year.  They pretend like we don't exist, and we work so hard and sacrifice so much and are so well loved by Americana and Roots Music lovers that it's obvious that festival organizers are going out of their ways to not invite us."

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Hundreds of Thousands Gather in Anticipation of Paulette's Show Close

Crowds gather because of Paulette's event.
Photo used without permission of photographer. 

In Woodstock, New York, 1969, hundreds of thousands of people gathered in anticipation of the closing night's events of Paulette's art show, "Which Century are These Paintings From," on September 24th, 2016 in San Francisco, CA.

The closing night will feature an artist's talk and musical performance by Paulette and the Band she's in, Strop, which is currently boycotting the city of Oakland until they are granted the key to the city by the mayor, Libby Schaaf.

The location of the event is Hayes Valley Art Works, 456 Laguna St. in San Francisco from 5 to 7 p.m. Saturday, September 24th.

Bring your best questions for Paulette to answer during her artist's talk.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Paulette's San Francisco Art Show Opening Aug 26, 5-7 p.m.

This is a picture of Paulette wearing sunglasses.

Paulette has been doing a residency, residing, making art at Hayes Valley Art Works in San Francisco since May of 2016.  She has new paintings that she will show at 456 Laguna St in San Francisco starting August 26, 2016.  The opening is from 5 to 7 p.m.

Our sources obtained the following promotional words about the show.

Paulette will be showing paintings of dogs, the Hayes Valley Artworks lot, and two presidents.  Also shown will be production art from the Jeffrey Vallance Interview Film, a painting of the Los Angeles skyline, a painting of a liquor store in Oakland, a painting of 22nd street in San Francisco, and her painting of a Thomas Kinkaide painting.  The paintings are a mixture of studio work and plein air work, done in oil paint.  Paulette hopes to show beauty in the things she paints, regardless of how unpleasant a subject may be.  For instance, she painted a stuffed dog that isn't really beautiful, but the paintings of the dog are beautiful, portraying it favorably like when you get the pimples taken out of your high school senior year photos.  She hopes that her paintings are lies that tell some kind of truth, like Picasso is quoted as saying except in different words.

The show is curated by Tanya Gayer and made possible by Emma Spertus, two of the Bay Areas top art people.

The title of the show is up in the air as this article goes to press on a big printing press that will print over 10 billion copies of it, but it, the title will be something like "Gemalde Plein Air y en el Estudio" which translated from German, French and Spanish means, "Paintings Inside and Outside."








Sunday, August 14, 2016

Strop Demands Key to City of Oakland

Strop Oakland

Oakland band, Strop, demands that Libby Schaaf give them the key to the city or they threaten to not play again in Oakland for another year.

"Unless we get that key, we're not gonna play again in Oakland for 365 days," says Stropper, Paulette Humanbeing, while the other Stroppers nodded in agreement.

Strop claims to be the heart and soul of California's port city, Oakland, and wants the recognition they feel they deserve. 

Says the same Stropper, Paulette "loudmouth" Humanbeing, "Ok, so we're not the brains of Oakland, but so F#cking what?  A body can live without the brain, but it can't live without its heart and soul.  Look at that chicken that lived without its head."

Friday, December 18, 2015

My Bigfoot Rises Again

This is a picture of Bigfoot I made in 2015.

In the early 1990's I wrote a short song, a ditty, about Bigfoot and played it at a show at the Depot, the student café in the student union at San Francisco State University.  It was a lavish affair with chairs and tables and people coming from the dorms to see me and Nelson Braxton and Brian Lenz and another really nice guy who played tuba on a song from a poorly written chart I had made.  I think his name was Mike, and he played the tuba, so it was really big sight to see, brass and shiny and visual.

I had essentially dropped out of school again after getting a job as a clerk in a law office.

Back to the story, I played this bigfoot song, and it had these lyrics.

I've never seen it but I hear it exists
it lives in the mountains where it's pretty nice
It's tall and hairy, an enigma to boot
I  hope I used "enigma" alright

starts with a "B"
ends with a "T"
in between, there's letters "i "g" "f" "o" "o" "t".
what's that spell?
It spells "bigfoot"

What's the problem
fuck if I know, but it makes for a saleable tv show.

So these are the lyrics I made, and I sang them to about 20 people, and they might have enjoyed it immensely and told their progeny as the years wore on, and it might have been a watershed experience, a once in a lifetime phenomenally good and spiritual experience.  Somebody videotaped the show on VHS, the predominant consumer video technology at the time, but I don't remember if this song was on the recording because the videographer was a little late to the show.   These were really heady times.  Really intense they were.  I didn't take any drugs before or after the show and a lot of people felt that the quality suffered because of the lack of drugs I had in my system at the time.

I'd always felt like the song was incomplete, and I brought it back into my consciousness because of the UFO & Bigfoot Club I'm in on facebook.  The group is administered by Jeffrey Vallance and Victoria Reynolds, experts in the field of the Bigfoot and UFO's, and it attempts to answer the question, "Why do people report seeing UFOs and Bigfoot in the same area?"  through evidence and illustrative pictures from the internet

Here is more text from the group explaining what the cult is about.

 IS THIS THEORY VALID?

Space Aliens in UFOs are actually evolved humans from the future. Their DNA is breaking down so they have to time-travel into the past to collect viable DNA. The Aliens abduct people to probe them for their reproductive tissue in order to create embryonic T-cells for medical usage. The human anus is also probed to collect samples of healthy digestive bacteria. Aliens travel through a time-portal that is precisely tuned to accept only travelers with the human DNA code. When the portal is open, Aliens can travel to the past—but as an unintentional side affect, ancient primates like Gigantopithecus are inadvertently transported into the future. These huge seeming-out-of-place primates are known as Bigfoot. (Sometimes present-day humans accidentally stumble into the portal and are involuntarily teleported to another time and place—from our perspective they just vanish). When the portal closes, every molecule that came through is routinely sucked back into the aperture. That’s why we never find alien technology or Bigfoot bones lying around.



So I reworked the song, failing to include any of the above theory in the lyrics because I forgot all about it and dropped the ball, but it's easy to edit lyrics.

I added the new verse

It has no family
Lives by itself
probably in a dark cave
It speaks a language of its very own
never heard by woman

Again, the song lacks the UFO/Bigfoot connection, but I hope to use your insanely generous donations to find the time to correct this omission.


Monday, September 07, 2015

Paulette in Huge Intellectual Property Battle with Veronica Leon

This is a picture of a penis gun.

Paulette is in intellectual property court after stealing Veronica Leon's idea for the penis gun and making a drawing out of it.

At stake is the trillions of dollars in royalties and licensing fees that will be created when penis-shaped guns start to hit the market.

Sources attending the same barbecue and close to the litigants say that Leon made the comment, "Why don't they just make all guns penis-shaped?"  And Paulette added, "And in order to activate them, you have to rub the balls in the handle, so it'll take a little time to shoot somebody, a couple of minutes at least, and maybe up to 15 minutes depending on the gun."

Paulette and Veronica are still good friends and refuse to settle out of court because they like to support the legal industry and think it's neat when lawyers drive nice cars and live in really big houses.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Paulette's Portland Series Arrives Safely in Oakland

This is a picture of houses.

This is a picture of a river.

This is a picture of a city.

Paulette's Portland series, 3 paintings from when she stayed in Portland, Oregon during the summer of 2015, arrived safely in Oakland, California today where they will be shown nowhere at no exhibition.  Said one Oaklander, "I'm excited not to go see Paulette's Portland series.  It's great that they're not showing anywhere.  I like to not do anything, and this gives me a great opportunity to do so."

When asked what the paintings are for, Paulette replied, "I made them because I felt like it, and I'm having a show in 2018 with Kristen Brown at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, so maybe I'll put these in the 2018 show."

When asked how she transported them, Paulette replied, "I drove them in my car without an air-conditioner in the midday sun for hours on end.  My car has an internal combustion engine that burns gasoline, so when I drive it, it's as though there's a little fire in it that's constantly burning, and I feel like I'm carrying an Olympic torch when I drive."