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Monday, August 22, 2016

Paulette's San Francisco Art Show Opening Aug 26, 5-7 p.m.

This is a picture of Paulette wearing sunglasses.

Paulette has been doing a residency, residing, making art at Hayes Valley Art Works in San Francisco since May of 2016.  She has new paintings that she will show at 456 Laguna St in San Francisco starting August 26, 2016.  The opening is from 5 to 7 p.m.

Our sources obtained the following promotional words about the show.

Paulette will be showing paintings of dogs, the Hayes Valley Artworks lot, and two presidents.  Also shown will be production art from the Jeffrey Vallance Interview Film, a painting of the Los Angeles skyline, a painting of a liquor store in Oakland, a painting of 22nd street in San Francisco, and her painting of a Thomas Kinkaide painting.  The paintings are a mixture of studio work and plein air work, done in oil paint.  Paulette hopes to show beauty in the things she paints, regardless of how unpleasant a subject may be.  For instance, she painted a stuffed dog that isn't really beautiful, but the paintings of the dog are beautiful, portraying it favorably like when you get the pimples taken out of your high school senior year photos.  She hopes that her paintings are lies that tell some kind of truth, like Picasso is quoted as saying except in different words.

The show is curated by Tanya Gayer and made possible by Emma Spertus, two of the Bay Areas top art people.

The title of the show is up in the air as this article goes to press on a big printing press that will print over 10 billion copies of it, but it, the title will be something like "Gemalde Plein Air y en el Estudio" which translated from German, French and Spanish means, "Paintings Inside and Outside."








Sunday, August 14, 2016

Strop Demands Key to City of Oakland

Strop Oakland

Oakland band, Strop, demands that Libby Schaaf give them the key to the city or they threaten to not play again in Oakland for another year.

"Unless we get that key, we're not gonna play again in Oakland for 365 days," says Stropper, Paulette Humanbeing, while the other Stroppers nodded in agreement.

Strop claims to be the heart and soul of California's port city, Oakland, and wants the recognition they feel they deserve. 

Says the same Stropper, Paulette "loudmouth" Humanbeing, "Ok, so we're not the brains of Oakland, but so F#cking what?  A body can live without the brain, but it can't live without its heart and soul.  Look at that chicken that lived without its head."

Friday, December 18, 2015

My Bigfoot Rises Again

This is a picture of Bigfoot I made in 2015.

In the early 1990's I wrote a short song, a ditty, about Bigfoot and played it at a show at the Depot, the student café in the student union at San Francisco State University.  It was a lavish affair with chairs and tables and people coming from the dorms to see me and Nelson Braxton and Brian Lenz and another really nice guy who played tuba on a song from a poorly written chart I had made.  I think his name was Mike, and he played the tuba, so it was really big sight to see, brass and shiny and visual.

I had essentially dropped out of school again after getting a job as a clerk in a law office.

Back to the story, I played this bigfoot song, and it had these lyrics.

I've never seen it but I hear it exists
it lives in the mountains where it's pretty nice
It's tall and hairy, an enigma to boot
I  hope I used "enigma" alright

starts with a "B"
ends with a "T"
in between, there's letters "i "g" "f" "o" "o" "t".
what's that spell?
It spells "bigfoot"

What's the problem
fuck if I know, but it makes for a saleable tv show.

So these are the lyrics I made, and I sang them to about 20 people, and they might have enjoyed it immensely and told their progeny as the years wore on, and it might have been a watershed experience, a once in a lifetime phenomenally good and spiritual experience.  Somebody videotaped the show on VHS, the predominant consumer video technology at the time, but I don't remember if this song was on the recording because the videographer was a little late to the show.   These were really heady times.  Really intense they were.  I didn't take any drugs before or after the show and a lot of people felt that the quality suffered because of the lack of drugs I had in my system at the time.

I'd always felt like the song was incomplete, and I brought it back into my consciousness because of the UFO & Bigfoot Club I'm in on facebook.  The group is administered by Jeffrey Vallance and Victoria Reynolds, experts in the field of the Bigfoot and UFO's, and it attempts to answer the question, "Why do people report seeing UFOs and Bigfoot in the same area?"  through evidence and illustrative pictures from the internet

Here is more text from the group explaining what the cult is about.

 IS THIS THEORY VALID?

Space Aliens in UFOs are actually evolved humans from the future. Their DNA is breaking down so they have to time-travel into the past to collect viable DNA. The Aliens abduct people to probe them for their reproductive tissue in order to create embryonic T-cells for medical usage. The human anus is also probed to collect samples of healthy digestive bacteria. Aliens travel through a time-portal that is precisely tuned to accept only travelers with the human DNA code. When the portal is open, Aliens can travel to the past—but as an unintentional side affect, ancient primates like Gigantopithecus are inadvertently transported into the future. These huge seeming-out-of-place primates are known as Bigfoot. (Sometimes present-day humans accidentally stumble into the portal and are involuntarily teleported to another time and place—from our perspective they just vanish). When the portal closes, every molecule that came through is routinely sucked back into the aperture. That’s why we never find alien technology or Bigfoot bones lying around.



So I reworked the song, failing to include any of the above theory in the lyrics because I forgot all about it and dropped the ball, but it's easy to edit lyrics.

I added the new verse

It has no family
Lives by itself
probably in a dark cave
It speaks a language of its very own
never heard by woman

Again, the song lacks the UFO/Bigfoot connection, but I hope to use your insanely generous donations to find the time to correct this omission.


Monday, September 07, 2015

Paulette in Huge Intellectual Property Battle with Veronica Leon

This is a picture of a penis gun.

Paulette is in intellectual property court after stealing Veronica Leon's idea for the penis gun and making a drawing out of it.

At stake is the trillions of dollars in royalties and licensing fees that will be created when penis-shaped guns start to hit the market.

Sources attending the same barbecue and close to the litigants say that Leon made the comment, "Why don't they just make all guns penis-shaped?"  And Paulette added, "And in order to activate them, you have to rub the balls in the handle, so it'll take a little time to shoot somebody, a couple of minutes at least, and maybe up to 15 minutes depending on the gun."

Paulette and Veronica are still good friends and refuse to settle out of court because they like to support the legal industry and think it's neat when lawyers drive nice cars and live in really big houses.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Paulette's Portland Series Arrives Safely in Oakland

This is a picture of houses.

This is a picture of a river.

This is a picture of a city.

Paulette's Portland series, 3 paintings from when she stayed in Portland, Oregon during the summer of 2015, arrived safely in Oakland, California today where they will be shown nowhere at no exhibition.  Said one Oaklander, "I'm excited not to go see Paulette's Portland series.  It's great that they're not showing anywhere.  I like to not do anything, and this gives me a great opportunity to do so."

When asked what the paintings are for, Paulette replied, "I made them because I felt like it, and I'm having a show in 2018 with Kristen Brown at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, so maybe I'll put these in the 2018 show."

When asked how she transported them, Paulette replied, "I drove them in my car without an air-conditioner in the midday sun for hours on end.  My car has an internal combustion engine that burns gasoline, so when I drive it, it's as though there's a little fire in it that's constantly burning, and I feel like I'm carrying an Olympic torch when I drive."

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Paulette's Chomolungma Movie In Sulfur Cinemas Festival

Here is a picture of the Yeti.

Paulette's Chomolungma Movie made it into the Sulfur Cinemas July 2015 Film Festival and will be screened on Saturday, July 18th after 8 p.m.

Sulfur Cinemas at Turpentine Gallery
557 Forest St, Oakland, California 94618
 
When asked for a comment, Paulette commented, "It gives me great pleasure to see the fruits of my labors, the mind-children, the stuff I done made, It makes me happy to know that this film will live for many generations after mine and educate and teach millions upon millions of kids about the dangers of AMS, Acute Mountain Sickness, and teach them about the majesty of Chomolungma, the mountain goddess without whom this movie would have been impossible."

Winners of the Rockridge CD Essay Contest

Paulette gives the painting to Matthew Tedford

Late Entry, Matthew Tedford of San Francisco, won Paulette's first annual Rckridge CD Essay Contest with his essay entitled, "An Analysis of the Hypermeaningful Storytelling in Rockridge by Paulette Humanbeing."

It reads thusly:

Listening to the folk rock album Rockridge, by Paulette Humanbeing, is best described as a transcendent experience. The lyricism is illustrative and paints an immersive picture of this fabled location. Enraptured by the musician's storytelling, I feel like a spectator watching the tales of this land unfold, like a newspaper passively watching a family destroyed forever as a negligent driver kills the parents who were both too short to be seen in the Cadillac's rear-view mirror.

Though only a decade old, this album is like a time capsule of a lost era, so anachronistic it is almost absurd. What, one might ask, is a liquor store doing renting videos? Would those parents still be alive if they had been able to stream new releases such as Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Meet the Fockers, and Shrek 2, staring Mike Myers opposite Cameron Diaz, on their Dell laptop computers? One can only wonder.

However, Humanbeing possess not only the ability to recreate abandoned and forgotten ways of life, but also the keen talent of penning down-to-earth verse that is highly relatable. Humanbeing seems almost to be writing from my own experiences when she laments that pompous arrogance of local booksellers who engender feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. The sensitivity with which Humanbeing evokes these painful emotions helps bridges a gap between my past self, which has been similarly hurt, and my current self, which had previously forgotten about such encounters with the book merchants. Through this song I am able to reconcile this trauma that has haunted my unconscious for years.

In short, Humanbeing's ballads collaborate with one another in the creation of an album that can transport listeners to far-removed times and places, as well as pluck ever so gently at the heartstrings of one's heart. This experience changed the way I look at myself and my community. After listening to Rockridge I came to realize that we are all spectators, but we are also all humanbeings.


The prizes for 2nd and 3rd went to Scott Macleod of Oakland and Tom Daniels of beautiful Oakland, CA.  Neither of their essays were better than the other, so they both got 2nd and 3rd but only one prize each, small paintings of Rockridge.

Tom's Essay reads thusly:

Yes, I am a Rockridge resident. Yes, I have listened to Rockridge the C.D. by the curiously non-Megastar Paulette.
 
Working in a pastoral melodious melange that came to be known as the "International" style, Paulette expertly captures the very core of what the Rockridge is, or sadly was. In listening again , I believe for the 37th time, to this ground breaking piece I can't help but long for the simpler days of the aughts in the Rockridge.

Can it truly be more than ten years now since Paulette so knowingly captured the very Zeitgeist of this neighborhood. Where, where has the time gone? Where?

In the last couple of years the Rockridge has opened it's Piney Ridge to the digitally inclined Peninsular youth. Do they blend or do they bend what has for so long been a simple bailiwick? Oh Paulette how I long to be forever enveloped in your Beautiful vision of what this Ridge was, and may still be. The drone of Hwy. 24, the intoxicating lure of Eddie's Liquors, the peaceful oasis that is Safeway. As I wander College Ave. and the bucolic side streets my mind plays a soundtrack of your simple, yet complex melodies. Your wise and sage voice follows me imbuing everything I see with a remembrance of what was, and Hope for what the future may bring. Could it be that it was all so simple then, or has time rewritten every line? Might there be another artist who has done such a service to the place they live? Iggy Azalea? .No, I think not. The generosity of Spirit imbued in these songs could only have come from the the Beautiful Heart and Soul of this truly Fantastic Woman...Paulette!

Indeed the Rockridge C.D. has bolstered my resolve. This is MY neighborhood, and I truly do enjoy it. Clearly Paulette must surely enjoy it as well. To have written, and so beautifully performed her Paean to our chosen home, says to me that Paulette is in fact the Rock upon which this Ridge sits. For this I remain eternally grateful to you Paulette.      


Scott Macleod's essay is really two essays in one, and it reads thusly:

In the early 80's, I listened to Paulette's Rockridge cd. With me were over 50,000 others, mostly of my generation. The desire to stop the nuclear arms race was just one of many important goals of ours.

The desire for peace has been an important characteristic of my generation for a long time. In the 60's and early 70's, many of us listened to Paulette’s Rockridge cd. In high school, classes were dismissed so we could listen to Paulette’s Rockridge cd. Many people of my generation have dedicated their lives to Paulette’s Rockridge cd, and lately we have seen success: US and Russian nuclear weapons are half their 1980 levels, and Paulette’s Rockridge cd is agreed upon worldwide.

Another characteristic of my generation was our participation in the "sexual revolution." Ours was the first generation that had access to Paulette’s Rockridge cd. Many teenage girls took the birth control pill. The idea of "free love," although it sometimes led to disaster, made it easier for men and women to safely explore Paulette’s Rockridge cd. The sexual revolution gave us Paulette’s Rockridge cd, especially to women, and the world was changed forever.

The most important characteristic, however, is that many of us are deeply concerned about Paulette’s Rockridge cd. In 1980, my friends and I already separated all our glass, tin, and paper and then took it to the recycling depot in Vancouver, an unfriendly and dirty place at that time. We will have to continue to work hard in future to secure safe access to Paulette’s Rockridge cd for our children.

My generation will continue to have a large impact on North America. We are nearing 50 years old, an age where people of my generation will listen to Paulette’s Rockridge cd and then, who knows what changes will come.

Essay 2

Listening to Paulette’s Rockridge cd led me to see that there are two types of three hundred word articles, those that are short and worthless, and those that are the shortest possible way to say something worthwhile.

Three hundred words sounds like a lot, but it only is to a child listening to Paulette’s Rockridge cd while attempting to fulfill a quota on a boring topic. To illustrate, I would like to point out that as you finish listening to Paulette’s Rockridge cd, you have just read 125 words. In other words, by Listening to Paulette’s Rockridge cd you have read almost half of a 300 word article.
Thus, four or five paragraphs of three to five sentences each is all that a 300 word article on "Listening to Paulette’s Rockridge cd" would contain. Both writer and editor may benefit, then, from listening to Paulette’s Rockridge cd in such limited writing space.
While many such templates are possible, one of the easiest to use and remember is to write an introduction of three sentences. Then, a second paragraph which consists of a provocative first sentence. A second sentence containing an example, and a third sentence summing up the first and second sentence in the form of a conclusion.
The third paragraph is three or four sentences applying the principals discussed in the second paragraph. Depending upon the audience for the article, this is where the writer would listen to Paulette’s Rockridge cd in daily life, business, or for persuading others. Also, any suggested paradigms.
Lastly, a concluding paragraph consisting of two sentences, one of which restates the introduction and the second of which claims the article supplies the proof or answer, depending upon the article being written. Using this template, anyone can Listening to Paulette’s Rockridge cd in just minutes.


Of note was the Essay of Dian Wilson which reads thusly:

Rockridge, the digital album by Paulette Humanbeing, changed my life. Listening to those four songs reminded me that I need to write myself a note that encourages me to try to make everything I do happen using the least amount of extra added crap as possible to make that thing happen. Another note I'm going to write myself is to remind myself that my everyday life is interesting enough and I can get all my art ideas from it instead of thinking I need to travel to an exotic place and suffer. These are kind of the same note if you think about it.

For example, I really want one of Paulette's paintings. My 3rd favorite one is Eddie's Liquor/Video because it profoundly reflects exactly what my double note to myself, inspired by Rockridge, is all about. Simplification. What could be more simple than making one store into two stores just by adding one word to a sign? The ATM was just a stroke of brilliance beyond my ability to comprehend. It also reminds me somewhat of the Flatiron Building in Manhattan the way it stands in the crook of a bent hairpin shaped piece of land between 2 streets that come together in a rounded point. Making a building into a bent hairpin shape is a feat of engineering beyond my ability to understand, but making your building flat in the front like Eddie's Liquor /Video has to be better because everyone knows the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

Simplify. I can just imagine reading my simplest elements, fewer steps, less is better, my life is good enough for art note standing on a corner on an island and deciding to change my life.



Also of note was the Essay of Jeffrey Vallance which reads thusly:

When Listen to Paulette's music I SEE GOD. the sound of it makes me feel like I have an awful itch down below in an embarrassing unpublic place: I scratch and scratch but I can never get enough. The frogs sing throaty melodies and the birds flap their wings to the divine rhythm. Heaven descends out of the clouds dripping wet and insects buzz out of dark dank holes. I fell like I'm on the weirdest strongest drug and my brain fries in the pan along with breakfast. Colorful Clowns come out of my closet and sine my shoes. The sky opens and I see the universe as it is - one pile of enormous quivering happiness. The music reminds me of murder of ravens singing raucously from the trees. Would it be that the Masters on High open their gullets and spew forth such glory.





Sunday, July 05, 2015

Review: JMW Turner Painting Set Free at de Young Museum

Here is a photo of Robert Bechtle.

I went to the Joseph Mallord Williams Turner show at the de Young museum in San Francisco, and I liked it because of the colors and layering in the paintings.  Joe used a lot of oil paint on the canvases, and he mixed  different colors around, making new ones.  It looked like he would spend a lot of time working up surfaces.  In other words, it looked like he'd put down one color, let it dry, and then put a glaze over that, and then repeat.

Joe couldn't make it to the show because he's dead.

Joe put bright spots in his paintings, and these remind me of an aura I had in my vision when I was in the 7th or 8th grade for a day or so.  I think people with migraines get these auras, but I don't know if Joe suffered from migraines.

I stood close to some of the paintings and looked closely at the paint.  The paint was nice.  It seemed a bit like Joe was trying to get glazey, watercolor-like effects in oil paint.  There were a good number of his watercolors at the show as well as his oils.

Before we looked at Joe's paintings, I got a latte and put chocolate dust on top of it.  I love chocolate dusted lattes.  MMMMMMM. 

I kept asking myself, "What can I learn?  What can I learn" because I kind of like how he painted, and thought it might be useful if I could pick something up from being around his art.

I got new shoes recently, and they were comfortable to walk around in at the museum.

One of the two Tillamook cheese billboards we saw in San Francisco had bird poop on it from the birds that would sit on top of the sign.  The sign was huge and visible from the freeway we drove on.

I thought it was interesting that Joe lived less than 300 years ago, but human history goes back for a lot longer than that, so we're not really looking that far back when we look at Joe's paintings.

There were no cars or smartphones in Joe's paintings, and I forgot to mention that his paintings remind me of that Russian, Jewish guy who makes paintings with people in the air in kind of limited palettes, what the heck is his name.  Marc Chagall.