paulette's hypermeaningful weblog


Thursday, November 06, 2014

Congress Passes Worst Bill Ever

These people in clown costumes have dog feces in their shoes.

Today in Congress, they passed a bill which requires all people in the United States to wear clown costumes, put fresh dog feces in their shoes daily, and wear a 10 pound ball and chain with them at all times.

"We are excited about the jobs that this bill will create when it becomes law, and we think it's kind of funny too that we'll all be wearing clown costumes and smell and won't be able to go anywhere without a heavy ball chained to our legs."

Banana Republic, JCrew, Abercrombie and Fitch, Gap, Ann Taylor, Gucci, Hermes, H & M, Macy's, Looey Vittawn, and all textile stocks shot up sharply in heavy trading after the announcement of the bill's passing Congress.  It's now on its way to the POTUS who really likes the ideas a lot, so much so that he's already integrated them into his own life.

"I made my suit with the help of Michelle and the kids.  We like the squishy feeling of the poop in our shoes, and the smell makes it so that other bad smells don't seem quite so bad.  If a homeless person comes around who hasn't washed or changed their underclothes for 6 months, it really doesn't bother me, and I can kind of relate to them better than before.  As for the weighty ball, it helps me focus, and I can't run from my problems."

When asked how it passed so quickly, 1 day, Speaker Boehner responded, "It's as though we were born wanting these things, that the bill emanated from the fiber of our bodies, from the one nature of our souls, from our bone marrow and reptilian brains."


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