Spam: How do you become a fan?

Dear Reader,

After my big adventure to LA this month to be in show biz, the fan mail has been piling up and up, like bills.

And just a few days ago, I received an e-mail from Jill, a potentially sane handgun owner in New Hampshire, asking me, "Paulette, how do you become a fan?"

I might be wrongly assuming that she's asking about becoming a fan of mine, but i'm willing to take that risk.

I've thought long and hard about it, the question, "How do you become a fan," and I've come up with the following.

I think that if you want to be a fan, you need to develop an appreciation for music, because most of what i do is music. And even though i'm temporarily crippled by tendonitis right now and afraid to play the piano, I'm still primarily a musician.

Oh, sure, i'm some kind of writer, but the writing doesn't pay my bills like my ever-lucrative musician job. If you look at my income for the month of August, I think the IRS would consider me to be a musician, and If you're anything at all like me, I'm sure you define yourself by how the IRS sees you.

August 2008 Income
Music Performance..................................$20.00
Weblog/Articles/Ad Copy/Mailing list..........$0.00

I also think that if you want to become a fan, you should be able to amuse yourself even when i'm not around. For instance, you get home after visiting your parole officer and see that i'm not there, so you decide to paper your walls with the pages from all of your favorite books. Or maybe you walk the 3 miles it takes to get to your nearest road and count the number of cars that go by each hour, comparing the different hours to find trends in backwater traffic.

Lastly, I think a fan needs to have some kind of exposure to written or spoken language, specifically the English language. To illustrate, my fan base in Hong Kong is not as big as my fan base in India primarily because there are fewer English speakers in Hong Kong than there are in India. And my fan base here in this great, changing nation of ours, the United States of America, numbers over two hundred million merely because that many people understand English, and if you understand English, you don't have that much further to go to become a fan.

In summary, I think all fans need to look deep into their hearts if they have them, to know themselves as best they can, to trust themselves to make the lifelong committment to fandom, and to free themselves from the fetters of doubt and the entire body that is U.S. law.

God Bless America!!!

Paulette




Paullette how do you become a fan?

Posted by jilladelphia to paulette's hypermeaningful weblog at 10:28 AM