paulette's hypermeaningful weblog


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Los Angeles Trip....Rambling on and on

Dear Reader Person,

Since my return last night, i've had a lot of people
asking me, "So Paulette, how was the trip?", and i've
obliged them with long, overly detailed stories of
every aspect of my trip.

Part of what i tell them is the following:

I left on wednesday morning at 7:00 a.m. from my
apartment in oakland and then got an egg sandwich from
mcdonald's on telegraph where there was an enormously
fragrant man sitting in the dining room, generously
donating his distinct, one of a kind perfume to the
whole restaurant. I inhaled deeply because i wanted
to remember what happens when you wear the same
clothes without washing them or yourself for about 6

My order number was #428, and coincidentally, on my
way back from la, i went to a jack in the box on i-5,
and they called out the same number, 428, so of course
i said it was my order, and the "real" owner of the meal
looked at me in disbelief, like i had a lot of nerve
or something.

I showed her my McDonald's receipt and told her it
doesn't matter where you get the receipt as long as it
has the correct order number on it. In essence, I told
her that i was going to take what was rightfully mine.
So, we got into a violent, Ali-Liston type tussle
which lasted about 3 minutes, but ultimately, i broke
down for some reason, and we ended up splitting the

The egg sandwich i had ordered with sausage and cheese
and no fat or cholesterol went unclaimed because of my
distracted, righteous struggle, so the cashier asked
if anybody wanted it. I was still hungry after only
half of a meal, so i took that too. I had the receipt
for it.

I realize now, after careful, politician-like
meditation upon my actions, that what i did was wrong,
that my order #428 receipt wasn't some kind of carte
blanche allowing me access to other people's food.

In an effort to make things right, to soothe my
conscience, i've decided to dedicate the rest of my
life to fighting for legislation which will
effectively eliminate order numbers on all fast food
restaurant orders. Instead, if i have my way, fast
food dining room orders will now use social security
numbers on the receipts.

This legislative action is obviously the right,
improved course, and any unwashed fool can tell you
how much confusion this will avoid. If you don't
agree with me and jump on my bandwagon, don't run
crying to me when somebody with a Waffle House order
#21 receipt justifiably takes your Wendy's order #21,
a ground beef sandwich, from out of your curled,
grasping fingers and leaves you with an empty, noisy

I know this is stupid.



At 1:46 PM , Anonymous Jilladelphia said...

I also hate when they give order numbers. I think restaurants should take names. That would also clear up the confusion. Did you go bike riding in a skirt while you were in LA?


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