For Immediate Release

DO NOT READ THIS AT ALL, ANY OF IT, IT WILL BORE YOU, AND YOU’LL END UP BEING SAD ABOUT OUR IRRELEVANCE.

A Functional Family Tours the Pacific Northwest

In something we can all be happy about, John Kilduff and Paulette Nichols will be embarking on a week long tour of northern California, Oregon and Washington, the state. They are second cousins and both perform in front of audiences, making the audiences really happy, so much so that they shit their pants in ecstasy much like marathon runners who are experiencing such a runner’s high that they lose bowel control mid-race.

They will be driving in a ’92 Toyota Tercel, a car Paulette wrote a song about which was played on NPR’s Car Talk.

The tour starts in Oakland, CA at Smokey’s Tangle and Finishes in Anacortes WA at The Business, and will feature dates in Humboldt, Portland and Seattle as well.

John Kilduff is the Star and Creator of Let’s Paint TV, a huge underground internet sensation with his youtube page having received over 3 million hits. He has performed in Canada, Los Angeles, Australia, Kansas City, New York City and Florida. He has also performed on America’s Got Talent and The Tyra Show. His show is like Bob Ross’ except it involves multi-tasking, making food, playing ping pong, answering viewer calls, and exercising at the same time mostly on a treadmill.

John, a.k.a. Mr. Let’s Paint a.k.a. Mr. Paint, has been doing his show for over ten years now. Originally starting on Public Access in Eagle Rock, CA, he moved his show to his home studio after funding for the public access studio was terminated for lack of interest and abundance of apathy.

Paulette is a singer and a songwriter who sings and writes songs about what it’s like to be alive and moving around in the universe. She has fans on 3 continents, at least that’s what itunes sales of her music indicate.

The purpose of their tour is to bring attention to the lack of creativity in the world and the fear surrounding the lack of creativity in the world.

They are also pro fossil fuel and want to burn up as much as they can while on tour, so they are taking two buses, one bus for john and another bus for Paulette. Each bus will have about 50 seats but only the driver seat will be filled in each one as they cruise down the highway. The Toyota Tercel will be towed behind one of the buses.

They are also pro-meat omnivores who will be promoting human consumption of animals.