paulette's hypermeaningful weblog


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

SPAM: This Sub-Saharan African Life

Dear You,
Again, I've received, non-stop, incessant, never ending, interminable, infinity, ongoing, long time uncountable, forever, many requests for more information about my life, and I love telling these stories about my life because they remind me that I'm alive, and I love being reminded that I'm alive, because it feels good, and that's all I want out of life is to feel good, I'm a complete and utter, total hedonist.  If something is not pleasureable, I won't do it, that's why I have such a large family.  I love being pregnant.
So I'm going to tell you about what I did at work yesterday.  Are you ready?  Did I introduce my story well enough for you so that you don't have a heart attack because I shocked you with unexpected content?
These are only rhetorical questions, so please don't raise your hands with answers unless you like to reach for the unattainable.
I rounded the corner and approached the building, the store, the warehouse, the retail place, and in my mind, I thought to myself, "I hate my job" over and over and over and over like white house propaganda in the media echo chamber.  "I hate these plants, I hate those plants, I hate this sidewalk, I hate these sliding glass doors, I hate those plants, I hate the fluoroscent lights, I hate the shopping carts, I hate all this candy, I hate halloween, I hate, I hate, I hate", and I walked to my locker, past the schedule where I checked to see that I indeed had not been scheduled the day before even though I could hardly believe I had it, a sunday, off.  Normally I work sundays, and it was so freaking nice to have a sunday off because I was able to see and be with my friends, I hugged them and we ate and talked and sat around fascinated by life and our lives in the living world of other lives.
But this was monday, and like I said, I was walking to my locker because I needed to get to it.  I'm very goal oriented, ambitious, a real go-getter, and when I make up my mind to do something, you very well better believe that I'm going to do it or die trying, and in this instance, I was dead set on, determined to get to, to arrive at my locker.  I walked from the bulletin board with the schedule on it and made it to my locker after going past the storage room with mops, floor buffers and other cleaning supplies.  I was so happy to get to my locker that I decided to celebrate.  I went around the whole store hugging and kissing random people with a huge contagious smile on my face, and none of them seemed offended or put off.  I was so happy that they became happy because I was happy, and we, all of us, were all smiles.
I started to think, "I love work, I love you, and I love you, and I love you too, and you are beautiful, and you are really beautiful, and you have such a lovely smile, and it's so nice to see you smile, and gosh, I didn't know you were capable of smiling, and wow, it's such a pleasure to be around your lovely soul."
and then, the manager, Barack, asked me to sweep the side patio where the plants used to be but where the soil pallets are now kept.  a lot of litter had blown in and eddied in a corner and was making the place look shabby, unkempt, so I was assigned to kempt it.
I looked at the unkemptness of the area and really looked hard at it, at all of the detritus, debris, paper, plastic.  My initial reaction was one of shock and awe, which then turned to denial, and then anger, and then sadness that there could be such a problem, a catastrophe in anybody's life.  Nobody deserves to have litter cluttering up their space.  It's horrible, paper and plastic wrappers, but not really, it wasn't so bad after I got over the shock and other stuff I just mentioned. 
I developed a strategy for attacking the clutter and presented it in a powerpoint presentation for Barack who liked it, and so we sent it on, up to the store manager for approval which happened almost immediately after we submitted the plan.
So I got two brooms, a dustpan with a handle, and I emptied the garbage cans so that I'd have receptacle space for the clutter, and I then I really had the time of my life.  I've never had a better time ever.  I didn't realize how much I love sweeping, the motion of pushing the broom forward while moving my body forward in small steps.  It's so much like dance, it might as well be a dance, so I started to sing a song to sweep to, and I got so happy and giddy that I moved into a transcendent mind state.  I started to scream gutterally, as if the universe was speaking through me to all existence.  I couldn't stop screaming, so somebody called an ambulance and the paramedics restrained me, and then they gave me a shot of something, and the next thing I know, I was at home in my bed, warm and cozy with birds chirping outside and a spider outside the window mending its web.
This is the end of the story.  I hope you liked it.
Also, "The Cousins Tour 2011" has reached it's $1000.00 goal, so it's being funded.  Thank you funders!
It will start Nov 4 at Smokey's Tangle in Oakland, and it will go until Nov 13th up to Washington, the state.
I will keep you posted.


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