paulette's hypermeaningful weblog


Friday, December 04, 2009

SPAM: Heartwarming Christmas Story

Last night afer sunset, I was walking around the christmas tree lot, looking around for things to do, and this guy walks up to the twine bucket and cuts himself a long piece.  I noticed him because there was something strange about his behaviour.  He had walked to the bucket and kind of kept his head down, looking truly serious and expeditious, as though he were on a mission in outer space to fight a deadly monster.
And so i figured in my little brain, well, maybe he just needs some twine for some reason, and I let it go, until i found out that he was tying his tree down on his car way, way far away from the loading area.
So I walked over to his green mini-van with his family in it.
I thought I'd give him the benefit of my doubt.
"Hi, did somebody already check your receipt?"
"Yeah.  Do you ask everybody that?"
"Yep.  You're no different than anybody else"
And so, I thought, ok fine, that's as far as I'll pursue it.  And as I'm turning to walk away
"You came all the way over here to fuck with me?"
"I apologize, but that's my job."
And then I went to get some shopping carts in the vicinity, the area, nearby, and he spouts off again about his righteous indignation, and I apologize again for the pain and humiliation he's suffered by my interrogation.
I later see my coworker Pierre 2.
"Hey, Pierre 2, did you check the receipt of a guy with a green minivan?"
I then see my coworker Nut-nut.
"Hey Nut-nut, did you check the receipt of a guy with a green minivan?"
Finally, I see my coworkers Pierre 1 and Rocky.
"Hey Pierre 1 and Rocky, did you check the receipt of a guy with a green minivan?"
"I saw the guy drive off with it though."
"I see.  Well the guy said somebody checked his receipt."
We all laughed.
And feelings started pouring through my little body.
I was upset and felt betrayed by this lying person.
And so I now look upon all Christmas tree shoppers as potential criminals unworthy of any trust whatsoever.
But then three girls got a tree and took my photo while i stood it up for them to see.
and when the girl with her fancy hybrid car came to pick it up, she didn't have her receipt because her friend was inside paying for it.
I put the tree in her car.
"you're not stealing it are you?"
"No, my friend is paying for it inside."
And she kind of looked at me funny and parked her car in the general parking lot.  She knew i was kidding, but i felt stupid for saying it anyhow.
I apologize for problems with tense.


At 3:30 PM , Blogger Jaina Bee said...

I've noticed that the more someone accuses you of fucking with them, the more they are actually fucking with you. Liars always accuse people of lying, cheaters, thieves, etc.

It gets all too predictable. Happy effin' hollerdaze!

(BTW, the word verification I got is "hotranie"!!!!!)


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